I had been toying around with this idea for a blog post for weeks. It seemed highly appropriate to write it on Ash Wednesday given its context.
I have been reading a book called It’s not supposed to be this way by Lysa Terkeurst. The book documents her time of struggle, including her unforeseen divorce. In the third chapter, she talks about dust. Genesis 3:19 says “You are dust and to dust you shall return.” Lysa uses this scripture in a way the really resonated with me.
There are times in our lives when god must shatter us and return us to dust so that we can be made new.
I know that god is using this time to return me to dust so that he can recreate me. Of course I wish he could have done it a different way. Did he have to destroy my marriage? Did he have to not only break my heart but break my whole soul? That answer is yes. Yes he did have to do all those things. All I can do is trust in him and believe that what he will make my into is more then I could ever have dreamed of.
This Saturday, I officially move all my belongings out of mine and chads house. The house I spent 5 years pouring love and pieces of myself into, on the farm where we were married, in the home where I thought we would raise our babies and grow old together. But god clearly has different plans. I know Saturday will hurt. I’ll say goodbye to my chocolate lab who I am leaving behind and say goodbye to that house knowing I will never have a reason to return. My heart hurts just thinking about it.
But ” Dust doesn’t have to signify the end. Dust is often what must be present for the new to begin.” – Lysa Terkeurst
I look forward to the new beginning that god is setting up for me and the future that it holds.