This is the blog I think everyone has been waiting on, especially since the picture I posted of a particular guy and I on Friday and then again today.
A month ago I went out on my first date since Chad and I separated. I was so nervous that when I pulled into the parking lot to meet him I thought I was legitimately going to puke. My best friends Sarah and Shawna had to talk me off a small ledge.
It took me six months to go out on a date, even after I knew in January that Chad had already moved on. But I didn’t want to just move on because he had. I knew I needed to take time to find myself, be secure in the new life I was creating and work on my own happiness.
I had A LOT of guys ask me out, but none of them seemed like someone who deserved my time. Truthfully, I had convinced myself that being alone was just the way to go. If I was alone, no one could hurt me. It was just easier to close my heart off. And the plan was to live in that mindset forever.
But god, as he always does, had other plans.
I had been praying for the next person in my life since the beginning of this rollercoaster. I asked god to bring someone into my life who was patient, strong, understanding of all that I had been through and wouldn’t judge me for it. It seemed like such a vain prayer. Who was I to ask for a good man? With all the horrible things happening in the world, to so many people, why would god answer my silly and simple prayer?
Because no prayer is too simple or silly for God, not even one as ridiculous as helping me move on.
As god often does, he hands you these profound moments when you least expect them. A few days prior to connecting with Jeremy (yes his name is Jeremy, the universe clearly thinks it’s funny 🤦🏻♀️😂) my counselor had given me a list of online dating sites. We had finally agreed that maybe it was time for me to start moving on and try dating. And in my stubborn, I’m never letting anyone in again way, completely wrote it off and insisted on keeping myself closed off.
I worried if it was too soon, if i was making the right decision to date, could my heart handle it? But I have come to realize how much progress I have actually made in this time. 6 months may not seem like I long time, but when you battle what I had battled in those 6 months, it seemed like a never ending time period. I had some major set backs. But I pulled myself up out of that dark hole. I created my own happiness. I built the foundation for my new strength.
I could have chosen some random guy at the beginning to be a distraction, make me feel wanted and make the lonely moments go by a little quicker. But it would have just been a cheap bandaid on a really deep wound. Instead, I worked on myself, I faced the pain and I came out on top and that’s why I’m confident in dating again. I’m confident with opening my heart but also now have these really concrete expectations that I refuse to bend on. People in my life either meet them or they don’t, and if they don’t then….well, boy bye 👋🏻
This new guy, he’s pretty great. So far he checks the boxes and meets the expectations. He gives me hope that there are still good men in the world. He makes me feel special. He doesn’t judge me. I don’t have to pretend. I can be not ok if I’m not ok and he gets it. I get to just be me in my most sincere form, and that is who I should have been all along.
I don’t know where my road is going, but I trust God’s plan and whatever direction he points me in. I know my strength and faith will hold me steady no matter where I am meant to go or who is meant to go with me.