As I scroll through my social media, I see more people ready for 2019 to end rather than sharing their blessings from the year. I was one of those people initially. I had a whole post about moving on and learning to truly let go and how I was going to leave the destruction of 2019 to burn in my past. But 2019 wasn’t all bad. In fact, 2019 did more for me that many of years in the past.
This is one of those years I will never forget. It started as the year that broke me but somewhere along the way, it turned into the year that changed me forever. Long overdue changes. Changes that I’m now thankful for.
No, 2019 didn’t start the way I thought. In fact, it really trickled over from 2018. July 17, 2018 my brother was in an accident that changed my whole family, forever. That event rocked the stability of my household, marriage, relationship with my parents and relationship with him.
Fast forward to December 2018. Chad tells me he wants a divorce.
December 31, 2018. I take my wedding ring off for the last time.
The beginning of 2019 was not the best months I’ve ever had. I fell into a depression like no other I’ve had before.
But the beauty of spring isn’t just watching the flowers bloom and grow. I got to watch myself bloom and grow. I joined a tribe of strong, beautiful, courageous women, who walked and are still walking beside me.
I met a man that I adore
I traveled. And oh man did I travel
I bought a house!
Got my first tattoo
And ended the year knowing what defines me and what I am capable of. I also learned some of my flaws, like how I will put everyone before myself and take their burdens as my own.
I am not making resolutions for 2020. It’s not a new year, new me kinda thing. But I do want to continue to add to the positive qualities I already have and continue to put myself first.
This year is about me. I have put in a lot of work to put up boundaries and have healthier relationships. I have talked through some major trauma in my life, and moved on from some issues that held me back.
This year is about moving forward. This year I want to build on my relationship with god. This year I want to save money. This year I want to travel. But those arnt my resolutions. No those are just the stepping stones to being happier and being true to myself. What I don’t want to do is put up with anyone’s bull, stress or worry about others actions and most importantly, put them before myself.
So yea, I do kinda have one goal for this year. It’s a pretty big one. It’s self care. I am really bad at self care. I want to get back into yoga. I need to regularly get a massage or a pedicure. I need to spend time by myself, for myself. I want to look back on 2020 and say, I took much better care of myself this year. In the past, my lack of self care and stress reducing habits have led me to shingles, TMJ and migraines. I have permanent nerve damage from the shingles that is still very painful to this day. I see a chiropractor monthly to adjust my jaw from the TMJ and my migraines can be so bad they keep me in bed for sometimes a whole day. That does not sound like very good self care to me.
So my purpose for 2020, My intentions for the year: live this year for me.