Today it has been 8 years. 8 years since the boy I loved so very much left us. 8 years since heroin ripped him from this world. This blog was created 5 years ago as a way to put into words my pain, grief and anger. It has since taken a turn in regards to… Continue reading For the love of Jeremy

If you think dating after divorce or a bad breakup is hard, try your hand at falling in love. Love is a dangerous and tricky gamble to begin with. We all want it because the payout is awesome! But we run the risk of leaving empty handed and broke, or in most cases broken. Then… Continue reading Loving again after someone leaves

I have known a tremendous amount of grief in my life. At 20 I buried my first love and soulmate. At 25 my best friend and role model died from cancer and at 26 the brother I never had overdosed. Each of those moments required me to dig deep and find some way to keep… Continue reading I filed my final divorce papers today

We live in a world where our calendars have to be full, we are expected to say yes to everyone and we should never cut anyone off, despite any wrong doing they have done to us. This thinking is bullshit! I have spent a lot of the last 7 months dabbling in the areas of… Continue reading The only person you owe anything to is yourself

As I start writing this blog, I am sitting on an airplane, taking my first solo flight, the first flight I’ve ever taken without Chad as well. All my life I have limited myself. I have been so scared of the what if’s that I missed out on a lot of opportunities. I have never… Continue reading Catch flights, not feelings

This is the blog I think everyone has been waiting on, especially since the picture I posted of a particular guy and I on Friday and then again today. A month ago I went out on my first date since Chad and I separated. I was so nervous that when I pulled into the parking… Continue reading Dating after divorce

During one of my first blog post, I quoted this scripture. I was grasping for hope, for faith, for anything to make the terrible heartbreak I was feeling seem ok. So I kept praying. Everyday asking God to take away the pain. To give me strength and guidance. To heal my heart and not make… Continue reading Blessings, Ester and what’s next

Most people don’t know this, but Chad and I tried for 8 months to get pregnant. We started trying to conceive not long after we got married because we had a timeline we were trying to follow. The first few months we just tried and didn’t think too much about it. But the 6 months… Continue reading Mother’s Day and infertility

Last night I went on a dinner train event with my parents. The railroad is a local attraction and they served a delicious dinner while we road through scenic New Castle County. I realized not long after the train started its journey that if Chad and I weren’t getting divorced, I would have never gone… Continue reading My season of shifting

Usually I don’t make blog post so close together, but I am having a moment where I need to be open and honest about my brokenness. My blogs normally have a biblical message attached to them and that’s the focus of that post. But tonight there’s no message. It’s just my feelings, spilled out on… Continue reading Raw